Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
