god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
