If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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