He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize