no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
