Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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