after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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