so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
