He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
