I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
