Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
