if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
