All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
