That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You can't motorboat a personality
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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