Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
