Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
