I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
