This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
