my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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