your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
