put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize