Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You can't special order awesome
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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