I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
