i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
