I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
