my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
