From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
