so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
