Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize