My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
