You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
