the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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