Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
