he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
