you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
