It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
