Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
