why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
