can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
