Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
