I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you had me at cake vodka
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
