We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
