sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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