Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
