I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
