my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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