A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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