We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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