I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
