i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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