how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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