He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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