Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
