Buhtt sex?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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