Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
