my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize