11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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