There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
