in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
