you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
