you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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