You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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