i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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