Sponge bath it is.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
