Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
