I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize