Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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