I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
