So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize