Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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