also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
