Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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