my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
