clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
