You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
