my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
