I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
