I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
