If i come over, it means nothing
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
