Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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