Porn is love you can see.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
