Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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