I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize