My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
