you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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