Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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