Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
