i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
