If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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