The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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