i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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