We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
