Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
