WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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