Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize