I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
