I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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