I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
