so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize